Monday, November 17, 2014

Attraction is not Love

Today I would like to address something that has been irritating me recently. As those of you who have been following my blog know I am engaged to a wonderful woman. As I have told friends and family I have been received mixed responses, everything from open love and support to doubt and confusion. For you see she also experiences Same Gender Attractions and people keep asking me: So, how does that work, you're into guys right?

So now I am writing this. ATTRACTION IS NOT LOVE! It is fully possible to love someone who you are not physically or romantically attracted to. At risk of making people uncomfortable here is an example. Most people love their parents and siblings but will never have physical or romantic attraction to them.

Now being the English major I am here are some definitions to help this discussion. Attraction, according to in regards to relationships is an attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement or a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices. Love on the other hand is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Based on these definitions it is entirely possible that attraction can lead to love but at the same time a physical attraction is not necessary to love someone.

In my case I love my fiance. I love how she makes me feel like I am wanted for me and not for what I could be or what I can do for her. I love how we share interests and can talk for hours. I love her for her forgiveness of my mistakes, including those that have hurt her.

I know that she is an attractive woman because I am able to reason through the traits she shares with women who are often held up as paragons of beauty but that is not why I love her. It is not what lead me to love her in the first place.

So next time you think you understand someone's relationship while you are looking from the outside: stop it. Just let the couple live their lives in peace and don't try to force your norms on them. All it does is make them want to ignore you and leave you behind in the dark as they continue into the light of the future.

Until next time: Vaya con Dios.

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