Monday, March 24, 2014

Thoughts about NorthStar Spring Fireside

           Over the weekend I had an amazing experience. I went with my SSA support group to the North Star Spring Fireside.I have to admit I was super stressed about going on a road trip with a bunch of other guys also struggling with Same Gender Attraction (SGA) but am so glad I did. The trip taught me some amazing things. For example, I have never really fit in with "the guys". I have virtually no memories of hanging out with the guys and was really worried because every time I have tried I felt like the odd one out. It took me some time to realize just what I felt over the weekend and I finally figured it out. For the first time in my life I felt completely normal and at home in a group of men, many of whom were only acquaintances before last Saturday. When I got home Sunday night I had a bunch of friends over, as is my custom, and they could not believe how crazy happy I was. I probably drove them all nuts with how happy drunk I was. I realized that I had not allowed myself to feel normal before because I was always so focused on hiding my struggles from everyone, including those closest to me.
            For those who are interested in what was shared at the fireside there is an audio recording available at northstarlds.org.
            I have made a spring resolution. (Considering I missed New Years ;) I have resolved to no longer be afraid of what people might think about me because of my challenge with SGA. If they want to make an issue of it it is their problem not mine.
           It may be a strange jump but this experience reminds me of the time that Jesus Christ was asked what to do with the woman caught in adultery.


         Those who judged her sought to catch Jesus Christ in a trap. They hoped he would say something against the Law of Moses. Instead he taught them that everyone is a sinner but also that we all have opportunities to change. Jesus did not forgive the woman at this time, instead he admonished her to "Go and sin no more" (John 8:11).
          The reason these two thoughts are related is that I feel the Savior has told me the same thing in my life. He is less concerned with what I have done and more concerned with what I choose to do from now on. I don't have to be scared of those who accuse me of wrong doing and sin because the Lord's response is to let he who is perfect among you cast the first stone. But just as in the case of the adulterous woman, my accusers are sinners too. I can become just as clean and perfect as anyone else through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I don't have to let those who will hate and judge me control my life rather I can take control of it myself and seek to be filled with the Spirit of God. It is my desire that everyone can feel the same change in their lives that I have felt in mine.Until next time, Vaya con Dios!

3 comments:

  1. That is a great resolution! It took me so long to figure that out for myself. The opinion of others is not important; all that matters is what God thinks.

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  2. We would love to meet you some time. We are Sonja's parents. We have had a lot of experience with SGA. We even served a mission with LDS Family Services and were mentors for a group of men with SGA for 4 years. We went in on a book in which we wrote three chapters called "A Place in the Kingdom". If you would like a copy, we will send one to you if you will just send us your address. I am on the North Star email list. I admire your attitude and all the thoughts you have shared. Having these feelings is not easy, but with Heavenly Father's help and with your testimony, you can make it through this earthly life and back home to your Father in Heaven. carolee@newgren.com

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  3. We are Sonja's parents. We have had a lot of experience with SGA. We even served a mission with LDS Family Services as advisors to a SGA group of men. We also co-wrote a book titled "A Place in the Kingdom" about SGA. If you would like a copy, I will mail one to you free if you give me your address. You have a wonderful attitude about this issue. You will make it home to your Father in Heaven as you strive to do all you can to stay close to the Spirit and obey the commandments. I hope we can meet you in person someday. Guy and Carolee Newgren

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